Angels in our midst

I’ve never doubted the existence of angels walking amongst us. We see them portrayed in the media - and their miracles are flaunted for all to see, like and share. But what about the everyday people? Those with kind hearts and helping hands? The ones that assist others in their journey without expectation of reward?

I have recently been blessed with the support of several of these every day angels. Blessed by their kindness, encouragement, guidance, tough love advice and intimacy of connection.

I feel like these people were placed on my path to help me navigate my way through the tough situation I was experiencing. Their acts of kindness and compassion resulted in friendships that I truly value. And although reciprocity is not expected, positive karma will no doubt look after them.

An extended hand hold with the words “you’re going to be ok”; a recipe metaphor with a toxic result; a car ride to escape one reality and replace it with glimpses of paradise; a proper nice connection - filled with laughter and star gazing… and many more instances of listening and support.

Moments of divine presence that one must be open minded to to fully respect and recognize. These are the blessings… the gifts.

Although some of these connections and friendships may be fleeting. They have each helped to me to come back to my self. And with that return, I feel I have the energy to enrich the lives of others as well. Full circle.

There are truly angels in our midst… for the angel spirit is in each of us and is quietly waiting for us to reach in… and reach out with kindness.

pleasing… is not.

“pleasing”…

a self serving action, a request for validation.

is born of fear of rejection, and judgement.

saddled with memories of failure, taxed with perfection,

pleasing… is not.

it’s soul stealing, passion crushing, cloaked in fear.

an identity thief, destroyer of esteem, manipulating and stifling.

pleasing… is not.

not love, not truth, nor striving for growth, or promoting connection.

not intimate, supportive, constructive, or healthy.

pleasing… is not.

The moment of sparks

I know I’ve mentioned the importance of saying “Yes” before, but it is sooo important to our vitality.

Sometimes when everything is going right we find ourselves in a kind of slow down mode. We relax into it. We let down our guards. We feel comfortable… and then in sets complacency.  We start to get less interested in showing the world our best self. We start to lose interest in the things that give us real joy… we start to slow down… and our brains or bodies are under-stimulated.

We’ve reached a plateau, and to truly move forward we must be stimulated… motivated to set higher goals.

If our mind is under-stimulated it can look like boredom. It can look like lazy or even depressed… it’s dull… and our enthusiasm flatlines.

Our habits change from good healthy eating and exercising to bingeing Netflix and chips, while simultaneously playing on our phone - trying to keep all of the senses busy. If we keep them busy we won’t have to look at what is going on inside… what is stopping us from taking, or even formulating, the next steps. Or perhaps this slowdown time is the universe's way of forcing a time to re-charge and prepare for the next steps - because they’re likely going to be big.

To move forward from a plateau takes great courage. The plateau is safe. It was your goal - where you thought you would feel great success in arrival. Perhaps you did. Perhaps you were over the moon when you arrived - Congratulations!

But now what.

The moment you arrive is the moment of change. The moment of time to start looking for the next challenge.

And how do you find it?

If our body is under-stimulated it can be relieved by exercise - try a new one... Zumba, kick boxing, latin dance - trying something new will not only engage our body but our mind as well... engaging all the senses.

If our mind is under-stimulated, then it’s time to say “Yes”. Find you sources of stimulation to create new brain pathways. To explore new thinking. If something sparks even the smallest amount of curiosity… try it… fan the flame… perhaps there’s something there. A new person you’re supposed to meet, a flavour that melts in your mouth, a dog that shows you unconditional love… the common thread in these is that they spark joy. You start to build back up again in search of the juicy in life. That morsel of truffle cheese with a great wine, the rush of excitement on your bike going down a steep hill… or meeting a person that just “gets you”. It all brings you to life again. Feeling alive. Being alive. Being in the moment of sparks! 

Say “Yes” and see where it takes you.

“It’s okay to fall down and lose the spark. Just be sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.”  ~ Colette Werden

Transitioning through the Green Slime

A wise and good friend once explained to me the challenges of transition by using the example of a butterfly’s metamorphosis. She explained that for a caterpillar to transition to a beautiful butterfly it first had to cocoon itself and break down completely into green slime… from there it could re-organize it’s cells, re-design itself and learn it’s new purpose… the net result would be to emerge from the cocoon more exquisite that ever before… beautiful and filled with renewed purpose!

When the universe intervenes and changes our course it can be difficult… and frequently wrought with acute pain. However painful, we must be grateful for the change. It doesn't matter whether the changeover has been brought about by work, health or relationships, inching our way through the green slime can be cathartic... often forcing us to hold up a mirror and look ourselves in minute detail… allowing our true selves to be vulnerable under the microscope… identifying our strengths and weaknesses... and surrendering to the understanding that there is a very specific plan for each of us… that we each have unique gifts to offer and that we must, must align with them… To live an authentic life we must allow ourselves to be guided in the direction of our truer selves… so that we may emerge beautiful and strong… with the renewed energy and purpose to share our gifts with the world!

Celebrate the slime, for it is the gateway to your beautiful, authentic self!

What would Martin do?

I often catch myself thinking “What would Martin (Dad) do?”

He’s been gone 25 years and I still refer to the valuable life lessons that he impressed upon me.

My Dad’s actions spoke louder than words… and that’s how we learned.

He was a quiet man… reserved and often wrongly perceived as aloof, when in fact he was actually fully engaged… quietly listening, analyzing and preparing what to say. And when he did speak you listened and his words were full of wisdom and carefully articulated so not to be misconstrued.  He was the strong silent type. Thoughtful, kind and generous. I never knew how truly generous he was until his funeral; when numerous people shared their stories of how he helped them. How he stood by them in difficult times until they “got through”. He gave to family, neighbours, community, customers and friends; his time, money and kindness… without expectation of return.

He was also proud, bold and courageous in his ventures; and he ambitiously strived for business success. Methodical, yet not afraid to take risks in order to prevail. And he did succeed… in so many ways. He was successful financially and with his relationships with family, friends, customers and employees. When challenged with adversity he faced it head on, with the mantra “When the going get tough, the tough get going”.

My Dad  lived his life with integrity and gratitude… values that will not be forgotten.

What would Martin do? At 56, his final lesson to all of us was “Remember to stop and smell the roses”… take the time to engage with family and friends… act on your dreams and desires… cherish the moments!

Dad you are “Forever in our hearts” xox

Epic Encounters

Have you ever met someone that you instantly connected with... a connection so strong that you felt like you’ve known them your whole life - or maybe in a previous life. Their energy is magnetic, exquisite and passionate. They speak your words before you get a chance to, and say the things you’re thinking... and before you know it they’re in your head and shaking out the cobwebs that mark the place where your youthful self used to live. They challenge you to be authentic, to speak your truth... to be yourself, flaws and all. They bring forth the parts of you that no one gets to see... exposing your naked soul. You find yourself revealing things that you didn’t know before you heard the words coming out of your own mouth. They lead you to place of epiphany about your truest self.

When we meet these people we are often take a back because they mirror us... and wonder where they’ve been all our lives. These men and women are there for us and when we meet them for the first time, or again after weeks or decades, we are able to pick up right where we are. We are meant to connect... in this exact time and space. We are drawn to the rendezvous for reasons yet unknown. They walk our walk, and talk our talk... they are part of our tribe. Sometimes our paths converge for awhile... could be days, weeks or years. But with each encounter brings opportunity for shared exceptional moments. These moments have lessons in them that often last us a lifetime. Savour the moment because these moments are rare... and truly sublime.

Say yes to the moments. Say yes to the enlightenment that is being offered... Say yes.

Taking the plunge.

I did it. For five years I waited for this day.

I created a painting event and invited a select group of friends to participate.

For me, it was like jumping in... head first... sputtering, flailing  and swallowing water with every breath...

They accepted the invitation... they made it real. I couldn’t do it without them... nor they without me.

But. There was a but. What if I couldn’t do this thing that I set into motion? What if it was a complete flop... the humiliation... the fear of failure welled up... panic set in. And I had brought it on myself. The event was hours away and I couldn’t breathe.

I may have drowned, if it weren’t for the generous words of support and encouragement from a friend (you know who you are) that spurred me on and pushed me to the surface. Breaking through for that first gasping breath... filling my lungs...

What’s the worst that could happen when standing up in front of a group of people, right? If I mess up, stutter, fall down... they laugh and I die of embarrassment. The laughter might be heard for miles, but really... it’s just laughter... people having a good time.

The piece that I hadn’t considered was that the room was filled with people that may also be anxious about being vulnerable. Afraid of not being great artists... and exposing that to everyone... they too were holding their breath about the prospective out come... the promised masterpiece of their own doing... we were together on this journey.

I stood up, I painted - they painted... and they each dug deep and found their inner child... and they laughed... we laughed!

It was the most beautiful sound... the same laughter that I was afraid of was like music to my ears.

And when it was over, when I came up for air... I felt alive.

More alive than I have felt in years... the fear had been replaced with beautiful laughter.

I am filled with gratitude and the sheer joy of sharing in the laughter... as we took the plunge together.

“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?” *

Today I read my blog stories… It’s been 3 long years since I’ve written, but for some reason I have been drawn here.

For me January is a time of both reflection and renewal. A time to take stock and kick start this beautiful life… and come back to me.

A good friend of mine recently messaged me and told me of his “fuck it, life is short plan”… and I have to say the plan is so attractive. Perhaps that’s what prompted me to take another look at me, and what I’m doing… at who I am… and what I truly want. What mark do I want to make? Do I want to make a mark at all? I know we weren’t born to just pay bills and die… so what of it…

Life is short, no matter how long we live… but our time to really live often gets impeded by so many factors; health, wealth, apathy, responsibility, joy and pain. Living to the fullest can be such a cathartic choice… but what does choosing it look like, in the midst of all these other factors.

To me it looks like baby steps… making a conscious decision to move forward with your passion… to bravely take that step however insignificant it may seem… no matter how long it takes and what tangents and roadblocks occur…  to keep inching forward no matter what…

It looks like coming face to face with your authentic self, with your desires and demons all intertwined in the craziest dance… and challenging the fear to take the easy way out by withdrawing completely. To keep trusting your instincts as they light the path to your true self… to follow the path, even when it gets uncomfortable and when you don’t understand it… having faith that it will lead you to be your best self. Teasing out those little strands of curiosity that seize your attention… following the threads… embracing the discoveries…  feeling the awakening….

It’s time to be open. To be ready. Ready to live it. Breathe it, deeply. And challenge anything that gets in the way…   It’s time to fly!

* Erin Hanson

Celebrate the Different

Fear of rejection has caused many of us to hide... to shrink from the spotlight and stay in the safety of the shadows. Safe. Same-O. By contrast, the nature of creativity is by definition new and exciting... breaking out of the norm to create meaningful new ideas, methods or interpretations... using your imagination... it's not, and can't be, the same old thing. It means being different. And at a young age society teaches us to fear and reject that which is different. But why? We're all different. All unique in our own individual way... and that should be celebrated... with arms wide open.

When I started this website I set out to accomplish a couple of things: to build a website by myself, and to get over my fear of showing my art. I've been designing websites for many years, but never actually put one together. So I decided to give it a whirl. I designed a website ... albeit from a template... for my painting. I got really excited about the project and tried out lots of the many functions available. In doing so, I posted my paintings along with some for my graphic design work and I started this blog. Who knew I would have anything to say in a blog... certainly not me. I have to say though, that I have thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience. And, I did it!

The other reason for building this website, and likely the most important one, was to get over my fear of showing my paintings. I have painted on and off over the years, but always for myself. I hid behind the guise of "painting was therapeutic" and "it's more about the process than the finished work". I suppose that is still true, in part... I do paint because I get immense joy out of the process, and a high, which I can only imagine is like a runners high when they are in full stride. (I can only imagine it because I'm not likely to become a runner any time soon.) The energy, vibration and adrenaline rush are fantastic. All good reasons to paint exclusively for me. But lately I've been asking myself... if I get that much energy out of painting them, is it possible that others will get some energy, even a little bit of joy, from viewing them? So why not share? What am I actually afraid of? The big R... rejection? Does it all stem from childhood feelings of rejection because I'm different, because I see things differently? Perhaps. But I think we allow ourselves to feel the fear of rejection because if we hang onto it we can stay in the safety of the shadows. Safe, but lacking in excitement... not the way I want to live.

We all have unique talents and gifts to offer the world. Let's share them, freely without fear! And to those who try to tear us down, I say show us your talent and we'll celebrate it too!

Swimming Upstream

"Salmon spend their early lives in rivers, and them swim out to the sea where they live their adult lives and gain most of their body mass. When they have matured, they return to the rivers." Wikipedia

We spend our early lives in the safety of our families. There we have the freedom to be ourselves: to sing off key, jump in puddles and paint pictures of people with oversized heads and sticks for arms. We learn who we are and what we innately like and dislike. When we start school, we soon discover that safety takes a different form...we must blend in to be safe. No more dancing when we feel like it... bursts of laughter are frowned upon and when we colour grass is green, sky is blue and the sun is yellow.

When we get unleashed into the world we have learned our lessons so well that we water down our true character and become master chameleons in the big world. Putting on the appropriate mask for each occasion. Praise is relished on us if we are responsible, stoic and if we put our heads down and work hard. But where's the joy in that? How will we know when we are truly happy?

At some point, as we mature, a little voice, from deep down inside, says "hey, I'm still here". A voice that you hardly recognize after all these years of wearing a mask. The voice of your true character; the belly laughing, tap dancing, finger painting free spirit that you are... and you realize it's time to head back to the river. Back to the safety of family. Back to that place and time that you laughed uncontrollably. Is it possible? Is it safe? To swim upstream, against the current societal thinking and back to our creative, spirited self? Upstream. 

Grandpa and me

When I was young, my Grandpa took me under his wing and showed me the joy of painting. "Paint whatever you want" he would say... and we would spend all morning in his studio doing just that. Grandpa (Howard McGee) learned about the joy of painting in his 60's and created beautiful works of art for everyone he knew. To me, his trademark was the sky in his paintings... always a beautiful splash of colour like the northern lights. He wasn't afraid of using colour, all colours, to accent or highlight a particular feature in his latest work. He would paint on anything: shingles from the old arena, scraps of masonite and wine bottles... he was partial to the Mateus bottles.

With me on every trip to Grandpa and Grandma's was one of my Dad's work shirts for me to wear when painting. My Mom would have already shortened the sleeves and put elastic at the wrists to help me from getting oil paint all over my good clothes... it was a valiant effort on her part. I really don't know whether it worked or not because I remember alot of cleaning with turp's (turpentine) happening.

I loved those weekends in the basement studio with Grandpa. 

Lisa Olesen... humble beginnings

Following your passion is risky business... I have been a graphic designer since the early '80's... yes, I'm that old. But with age comes wisdom... wisdom to know who you really are and more importantly...to know what is important for your own personal happiness... aka, what is your passion?! 

Mine is creating. I have been drawing since I could hold a crayon. Masterpieces on the under side of the dining room table in my parents home. Or when that canvas was full... there was always the under side of the bed, then I'd roll over and draw on the floor, still under the bed... on the side of the furnace... there were blank canvases everywhere!

When I was in my early teens my parents were away on a holiday, leaving us with a sitter. Little did Mrs. Kingston know of the works of art being created on my bedroom walls... and ceiling! There was no limit to the subject matter or style in which to create it... pure freedom of expression!

During my teens, my Mom introduced me to crafts... more creating with yarn, beads, pet rocks, doodleart, looms, macramé... you name it, I made one for everyone!

Then off to college for Art. After the first year I streamed into Graphic Design... there was more chance of supporting myself this way...without falling into the cliché of being an artist waiting on tables. The courses were challenging and exciting. Under the tutelage of Hans, Peter, Doug, Judy and Bill I gained the skills and knowledge to head out in the real world... to the big smoke (Toronto). I landed a job between 2nd and 3rd year of college and was on my way to a career in graphics.

After several years in Toronto and Owen Sound, owning and managing numerous companies... I find myself at a crossroads...

My work as a designer has provided a good living for me and my son. But now it's time for my real work to begin. The work that I was put on this planet to do. Painting. Sharing the joy of creating. Using the gift, that I have been given by God, to create beautiful work. On the eve of 2014, it is time to share my passion with the world.